How do deal with unsolicited advice and comments?

I keep coming across the same problem and need help overcoming it. Im not a particularly overweight woman, but I am big on top. When I exercise in public, people will make comments to me as I run past them and it kills me inside.

— Ive had people on bikes follow me for 2 or 3 blocks offering unwanted and unsolicited advice and fitness tips

— I had a woman just yesterday say “Oh myyyyy” as I ran past her

— Ive had people hollar out of car windows at me as i go by

— Ive had people standing at stop lights leer and make comments.

How do you get past this?? I know I could just run at the gym and be in a comment-free environment, but I really love running outside. I just end up hating myself a little when these things happen and need so advice on how to get over it.

Thanks
Kelly

That sucks! I am going to assume that perhaps you just need a running bra or something that provides more support and less bounce.. Unfortunately you’ll have to pay a little more for this but it may help. One store I know of that gives support recommendations with their bras is Title 9 but I am sure there are more out there.

Please don’t hate yourself however. There’s no need, you are running for yourself, not anyone else! Maybe try finding a trail or park that you can run in.. it’s not as convenient as just walking out the door and running but you at least have some control over your environment.

Im already wearing not one, but TWO running bras plus whatever “support” comes built in with fitness tanks. I dont know what else I can do short of wrapping myself in duct tape.

I wish I lived near somewhere that had a nice big park to run in, trust me I would prefer it, but the only thing close by has a million and one people on it all times (Martin Goodman Trail, for those in TO), and in fact is where a lot of the problems happen.

Maybe I should just give up running outside. Its hard to not be super sensitive about it, but I really hate the way these encounters make me feel. A part of the reason I havent been able to lose weight is because of this as it just completely demoralizes me :/

Thanks for replying though, I appreciate it.

That’s so seriously RUDE!!! What is it with people???

I’m guessing that when you say you’re wearing running bras, they’re really made for running, not the kind designed for low-impact workouts. I’ve found it makes a huge difference. They have to be the right size, too – mine are quite tight-fitting and smash me pretty flat, which is an accomplishment with the way I’m built… Maybe wearing a loose t-shirt over them instead of a tank would help.

If it’s safe to do so, try wearing an iPod (or something similar) with earbuds. I listen to the workout beats you can download for free – they help me keep my pace up, and block out most of the sounds around me. That might make it easier to ignore the rude folks.

Mostly – remember that you are running for you, screw the rest of them!! I know it’s not easy, but you shouldn’t change what you’re doing or stop something you like because of other people. And you should NEVER hate yourself! You go, girl!

I agree. People can be so stupid. I guarantee most of those people are doing nothing to improve their own heath and fitness.
Being a female, in general, and running outdoors opens yourself up for all sorts of comments. I agree, if it’s safe an iPod and ear buds. Perhaps a running buddy if you can find one. The important thing is don’t let their stupidity stop you from meeting your goals. if you do, then they’ve “won”. You are a strong and determined woman who shoudn’t let a few jerks in the world stop you. Just keep at it and shut them out mentally the best you can, knowing you are stronger for it.
Pamela

www.ThrivePersonalFitness.com

Joining a running club or like PamelaH suggested running with a few friends or running buddies might be a safe haven for you, just to take a break from all hassle. You will also learn a lot from running with more people, especially experienced runners. Just make sure that you are not running faster than your fitness allows, it could slow your long term progress a bit if you run too fast. Don’t let these things get you down. Take command of your own training and life and don’t let these things take that away from you. But nothing wrong with finding a path of least resistance, like running with a group or running on trails or parks that are less crowded.

Well ok its not on the same level but on returning to work this week after summer break i have literally had around 20 members of facility staff walk up to me and say my god haven’t you lost weight
in fact it’s gotten to the point where my new manager suggested that they do an article in our weekly staff press lol as I use the college academy gym to which i replied maybe when I have a 6 pack jokingly

well unsurprisingly all the ego brushing has spurned me on to if i can achieve that 6 pack ive always wanted one so now im going to try and get one so ive started P90X today along with 2 of the gym instructors who wanted to see what all the fuss was about

to put things in to perspective I had a lot of people looking at me oddly when i first started going in to the gym im sure some of them even had a good snigger when i managed 500 meters on the ellipse and nearly collapsed in a heap and that was on a easy setting well but that was my first day , that’s smoking and generally been a slob for you .
well your probably thinking ok so that’s just a handful of people sadly no one of the unfortunate things about the college gym is its on the first floor while plate glass windows all around while nice on a sunny day it does let virtually the entire college look in and im sure many had a good snigger a few times at me jiggling my way around the courses on the elliptical and over the course of the term did receive a number of comments to which my rebuff was always a little smile while saying bad stuff in my head

Just ignore them you know where you want to get to.. You have your goals same as every on here your doing something about it and achieving them or working towards .. Thats where it counts !

Only good advice I can think of at the moment keep at it what would be 100 times worse is giving up

“Mind over matter”
They don’t matter if you don’t mind! That’s what I kept telling my self

it happens to me all the time! i run in a… not so nice neighborhood. i get honked at and cat calls and yelled at and almost hit by lawnmowers all the time, lol. but it helps me to pat myself on the back and congratulate myself for every step i take and every mile i cross…. because 6 months ago, i couldnt finish a mile! i focus on that, instead of the rest of the world!

I’m big on top too, and I went to a local bra boutique and told the lady “I don’t want to bounce, and I want to run”. I paid about $75 for a bra, but guess what? I’m not bouncing anymore :) This one was sized 36E or 36F. I bought several online, and nothing fit me properly — it took me swallowing my pride and going to the shop and having the lady fit me for a great running bra.

You just have to ignore those m-fers who make comments — there are stupid people everywhere. As far as people following you giving you unsolicited advice, just say “would you mind? I’m kind of in the zone right now.” I think that is a very nice way to tell them to step off.

Can you share what brand of bra you got? I have a friend who was asking me today where to get a bra to address this problem?
Pamela

www.ThrivePersonalFitness.com

I’m a huge fan of the Moving Comfort Maia bra. it’s the only product I’ve found that will hold me in place. I like that they offer two separate “compartments.” so I’m not sporting uni-boob.

I order mine from Amazon. If you want to check it out, do make sure you look for Maia. Others styles from this company are less effective for me.

When I started running, I was a 38DD / 38E. I’ve tried LOTS of sports bras. In my experience, Moving Comfort makes the best ones in terms of comfort and lack of bouncing for those of us with large boobs. I bought the Fiona model. It’s a little pricey (about CDN$60) but there was absolutely no bouncing for me. It has hooks in the back (although they are well padded so they don’t chafe) and velcro on the straps to make it easy to tighten them.

I bought another after I lost 35 lbs and I couldn’t tighten it sufficiently anymore.

Hiya! To answer your question, my bra is called Anita Active style 5529, and it’s in a 36F. The most important thing is to get the right size & shape for your body, which is why I went to an expert bra fitter in a local bra shop. I wear a 36F in some things, 38E in others. Not to mention the difference in UK sizing vs US sizing with some of the bra brands. Good luck!

Thanks for the recommendation ladies! I will pass it on.
Pamela

www.ThrivePersonalFitness.com

I think it is nice, even though unwarranted, that other runners are trying to help you out. At one point they were probably in the same situation and someone gave them advice, so they feel like they have to pay it forward. However, i can certainly understand how it can be annoying and interrupt the workout you are trying to accomplish. The women posting have made great suggestions with the ipod “tuning out” theory and better “support”. Another suggestion is that positive makes positive. In one perspective, you are getting people to pay attention to your success. Just laugh off the stupid comments, and keep on moving.

On another note, I am top heavy myself. Does anyone have a suggestion for muscle toning in that area? If you do chest presses, for example, can you turn the excess into muscle/firm up.?

@risab, unfortunately there is no turning excess into muscle. Fat will not firm up and will not change into muscle.
Step one: lose fat – basically, you need to eat less calories than you burn (kind of a shortcut, because there is more to it, but I guess you get the picture). Step two: tone up muscles through weight training, you don’t need to lift heavy.
Sorry there is no other way, I wish there was, but that’s the unfortunate reality ;)

@risab: IronDave is right, you can’t turn the fat into muscle so if you want to focus on getting ‘the girls’ more under control you want to just focus on loosing fat which means cardio. Weight training tones your muscles and burns some calories but not enough to really see fat melt off like most of us would like. When I do cardio I generally loose weight from my chest first (before stomach, hips, etc) which is a little sad since I’d prefer losing from those other areas. But we can’t choose where it comes from so I have to just stick with it and hope in the end I’ll be all balanced out again. But for you it sounds like losing from there first may be just what you’re looking for! Good luck! :)

Some of these people are tools. The woman who said, “Oh my” was a complete tool. But I guarantee you some, if not most, are good people.

I just want to give you the context I put this stuff into that makes me relatively unaffected by these behaviors in others.

First, consider that the onus of starting any romantic relationship is, for the most part, on men. Sometimes they do it in inappropriate ways, sometimes in ways that make us uncomfortable. But, on the flip side, we don’t have to do that, ever. All we have to do is take reasonably good care of our looks then sit back and rifle through the offers. The men come to us. It’s an enviable position to be in.

The men are the ones who have to really put themselves out there and they can get a little weird about it. It’s understandable. When a total goddess runs by, they can lose control a bit. You’re a goddess. Recognize.

They never think, “If she liked me, she’d come talk to me.” No, no, no, no.

They might see a beautiful woman and think, “If anything happens I have to make it happen. And she’s running. Shell be gone soon. Quick! Do something NOW!”

Or they think, “I bet if I offer her some advice, she’ll see how smart and knowledgeable I am and will totally let me buy her dinner.”

I’m saying this to you because I know how easy it is to feel completely objectified and victimized by this sort of treatment. While I do think that it is meant that way at times, for the most part, I don’t think that is the intention or the impetus.

You see, there is no way to do this to a man. There is nothing you can yell at a man about his sexiness or the sexiness of any body part of his that will cause him anything but pride, really. I think most men know intellectually that we don’t like it but they just don’t have the lifetime of experiences to understand how it can make us feel so naked and powerless.

Once, I was at an apartment pool. I was walking to the apartment to grab some more beers or something. The area was full and somebody made a really loud comment about breasts. I looked around and didn’t see who it was. I didn’t know if it was about me but I’ve got huge ones and I was on display at that moment. I just crumpled and covered them with my arms. When I returned, I sat down and, about five minutes later a guy came to me and apologized profusely. My reaction way completely unexpected to him and made him feel horrible.

I’m not saying that this behavior is okay. I just don’t think guys understand how crushing it can feel for us.

It helps me to remind myself of that.

I agree with Irish Eyes, Wear a tshirt over your top instead of a tank top and listen to your IPOD. I jog at a park where lots of families play softball, practice football and cheerleading. I am very self conscious about my backside. I wear loose fitting workout pants but many still stare and make comments. I brush if off, I am there to exercise and just go about my way listening to my IPOD. Keep doing what you are doing and don’t let it get to you.