revitalize_me's Fitness Profile

revitalize_me's Journal

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  Kinda sick of 181

  I've been hovering around 181 for over a week now, and it's kinda getting old. Particularly because I've been faithful at exercising and keeping my calories low. I wonder how much longer this will go on. And it makes me shudder to think that this is the way my body operates, now that I'm over 50. Egads. Diane and Kevin are coming over for dinner tonight, and I realize that I just shouldn't eat anything, and I certainly shouldn't have 1/2 bottle of champagne. Bummer. And I'm going to San Diego next weekend, and I'll have to avoid eating there, too. On the other hand,this is really an opportunity to analyze what food means to me, and why there's such satisfaction in it. Really, food is nothing more than a form of sustenance -- pleasure is something else, isn't it? This has also got me thinking about my feelings, and how much I avoid them. I realized yesterday that I don't call my mom (or Judith, or Amy & Cori) because talking with them raises such strong feelings. These feelings aren't even painful, really, yet I avoide them primarily because of their intensity. Maybe it's time to stop.

  Posted over 4 years ago by revitalize_me

  
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  Back to 181

  Well, I'm back to 181 -- this means that I haven't had any net weight loss over the last 7 days, but it's still a 1-lb loss over the last 2 days. This kind of micro-focus on each day's weight is probably a bit obsessive, but I feel calmer, and more hopeful, than I have for a few days. I'm also gaining that odd body awareness that comes from exercise. Or perhaps I've said that wrong: the body awareness is not odd, it's the total lack of body awareness that precedes it that's really strange. I can honestly say that my mental image of my appearance had not changed, even though my body had gained 20 lbs. Even this morning, looking in the mirror, I could see myself as slim. They I caught a glimpse of myself in another mirror -- a glimpse from an oblique angle -- and I could see the woman that was in Rebecca's photo. She's aging, bulging around the jowls and midsection, and in serious need of diet and exercise. It still sometimes amazes me that that's the person everyone else sees. I've also begun to be honest with myself about the connection between weight and power, particularly here at work. Being trim (and young) connotes not only health and attractiveness, but also a command for respect, a sense of self-control and self-restraint, and emotional balance. Whether or not these impressions are true, it's clear that they influence power politics. I can especially see it here, in an office filled with young women.

  Posted over 4 years ago by revitalize_me

  
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  Not too discouraged, but...

  So, the outcome is official: I gained 0.5 lbs last week, even after 4 days of exercise, and no days with more than 1200 calories. How is that even possible? But I'm not too discouraged, although I'll admit that I'm not happy either. The encouraging bit is that I've lost at least 1/2-inch from my waist, somehow, without actually losing weight. I suspected this change; I could tell that my shirts have not been as tight as they used to be. I've also been trying to find ways to remain encouraged. One is to remember that exercise almost always equates to weight gain. Muscle is more dense than fat, so one can gain weight while losing inches. I'm hoping that this is the case for me. I would hate to remain at this weight, but I'm excited about losing inches. I think I just need to be patient. And, as I look at the "body weight progress" chart on this screen, I can see the familiar oscillation that always happens when I lose weight, it's just less pronounced. It starts with a rapid decline, then an increase, followed by a more gradual decline, then an increase that's so flat it becomes a plateau, another slight decline, yada yada yada. Let's see what happens next week. Let's also remember that this is the way it is now. You're not on a short term diet -- you now eat low-calorie meals, all the time.

  Posted over 4 years ago by revitalize_me

  
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  Puzzled

  So, when I look at my calorie and exercise log, I am stunned by how my weight refuses to change (and how, overall, I've GAINED back a pound that I lost last week.) But I've decided to stop whining about it. At a minimum, I'm just glad that I've stopped gaining weight at an alarming rate, because, honestly, that alone has been a real challenge for me. And given my limited calorie intake, eventual increase in muscle mass, and the laws of physics, it is inevitable that I will lose weight eventually.. It might be, however, that I'll lose 1-2 lbs per month (rather than per week), and I'd be happy with that. Think about it: 1-2 lbs per week equates to 12-24 lbs per year, and I'd be THRILLED to see that happen. And like I mentioned already, I'll be particularly happy about not gaining 5 lbs instead.

  Posted over 4 years ago by revitalize_me

  
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  still hangin on

  Once again, I watched as the scale told me that my weight has not only plateau'd, but I'm still hanging on to the extra pound added yesterday. That means that I lost 4.5 lbs last week, and I gained a pound this week! This is not progress. I still have 2 days before this week is officially over, but it is clearly not going to be a terribly successful week, even though I've stuck to a limited calorie diet. And although I haven't exercised every day, I did exercise for 3 days to no avail. I suppose the only thing that's keeping me from being despondent is that I can tell that my clothes are not as tight as they were 2 weeks ago. These changes are not showing up on the scale, and the measurements I took a couple of days ago weren't appreciably different, but I know that this shirt is more loose than it used to be (I know because I couldn't even wear it before), and my pants aren't so tight either. So, albeit slow, something good is happening. It's just hard to know that I might have to find peace with losing only 1 pound per month, rather than 1-2 lbs per week. It's now 3:30p and I'm at work, and I have not accomplished a single thing. I need to leave this weight obsession behind me so that I can actually get some work done :-)

  Posted over 4 years ago by revitalize_me